TW: cancer, hospital, mental illness and PTSD. September 2020 I sit cross legged with my back against my bed. ‘Every morning I wake up and I thank my body for being here, for being a vessel for my soul to roam this earth in’. I roll my shoulder so it clicks. ‘In this meditation, I’m … Continue reading Three Years On
Loss
Some names have been changed. I meet Rai the day I decide to shave my head. Upon arrival at the hospital my hair is falling out onto my jumper and more is being pulled away every time I take my scarf off. Every time I pull a brush through it, the loose hair tangles into … Continue reading Loss
Sex and Dating with Cancer
Pre-cancer, the tube was fun to me. Like a museum, or an art gallery: in more ways than one! Not only was it full of artefacts and fascinating things to look at all - all different and all diverse and all with a long, hidden history - it was also a place I kind of imagined … Continue reading Sex and Dating with Cancer
Love, Lungs and Louis Theroux
I wake up, and the first thing I see is my Mum. She’s a good couple of metres away, on the sofa in the corner of my hospital room. I smile. If I didn’t write about smiling in the last couple of blog posts, it’s because it didn’t happen. This is the first smile I’ve … Continue reading Love, Lungs and Louis Theroux
And Now For Something Completely Different
I have really been enjoying telling my story on Madame Ovary. Last time, I left it in quite a dark period, which I’m afraid does continue for a bit longer. But it seems wrong to write a sad post when yesterday I received the news that I got the ALL CLEAR from my Doctor. The … Continue reading And Now For Something Completely Different
No Blood, No Fun, No Apologies
I am woken up suddenly by the sharp drawing back of the blue curtains around my bed. It is still dark outside, and the lights haven’t been turned on yet. About eight people walk in. This is my team. My doctor, my clinical nurse specialist, registrar and more people who’s job titles I don’t understand … Continue reading No Blood, No Fun, No Apologies
Love, Death and Jellyfish
34 young adults are diagnosed with cancer every day. My day is February 1st 2018. ‘Think of it as a sort of apron.’ It’s about 6pm. ‘It hangs down from our stomachs and liver and covers and protects our organs.’ I’ve got cancer. ‘It doesn’t have a vital function, which is why not many people … Continue reading Love, Death and Jellyfish
The First Hospital Visit
It’s 4.30am on the last Tuesday in January. I’m wide awake. The Buscopan has done nothing, and I’m a mug of Twinings away from overdosing on Peppermint. I shift my position in bed from my side to my back, with some difficulty. It’s getting hard to breathe. I check my phone for the time. I’m … Continue reading The First Hospital Visit
My Symptoms
I’m about half way through my first professional theatre job after graduating drama school when I start to notice my stomach. The costumes that I’ve had made to measure at the beginning of the rehearsal are becoming almost painful to get into by this point in the run. In the shower I look down and … Continue reading My Symptoms
The Golden Egg
At the beginning of this year I was diagnosed with a rare type of ovarian cancer. As I was singing Auld Lang Syne (badly) on New Year's Eve 2017, I definitely didn't expect my life to take on so many changes. The main one would have to be the amount of time I've suddenly got … Continue reading The Golden Egg
Madame Ovary 